random thoughts

One Week Left

2008-11-23T19:26:00.000-08:00

i guess that makes it day 23 or so? i dunno... and right now, i don't care to count it.

anyway, things are going well here (aside from being sick... blasted public school system). i have my destination and the general direction in which to head. now i just need the route to take. the way i see it, there are 3 options laid out in front of me...

1) bible college. where? i dunno.

2) i stay where i am and am trained up in a "less conventional" way. that is, it's basically on the job training. i continue on as a leader/teacher in my current youth group, continue studying, and one day, it'll happen.

3) God decides to take me out of the desert and train me elsewhere. where? i dunno. i'm just leaving the door open.

so that's basically where i am right now. i know this question will be answered in due time as well. right now, i'm just completely stoked over the fact that we're one week away. 7 days... and i can have her back. that brings an instant smile to my face. after this long, trying month, i know it's been completely worth it, but i am SO ready for it to be over.

maybe the most valuable lesson of all - priorities. get them in order.

later.
matt

IT HAPPENED!!!!!

2008-11-13T22:00:00.000-08:00

you would not believe how completely fired up i am at this very moment. finally, through some very encouraging, convicting and Spirit-filled words from a pastor, i have my calling in life.

my life, from the point forward, is God's to have. i have made a vow to him to be completely in His Perfect Will. i am dying to my flesh. i no longer desire the things of this world. my life, from now until the day He returns for me, is going to be lived as an evangelist. i feel my calling in life is to become a youth pastor. how do i go about it? i have no stinking clue... but that's my worry. God has it all planned out for me; all i have to do is wait and watch His hand move.

i feel an amazing burden lifted off my chest... i feel like the clouds of my mind are gone... i can think clearly, i can see clearly... it's absolutely amazing.

now it's time to start my journey.

later.
matt

Day 12

2008-11-11T16:15:00.001-08:00

sooo... a week later, i finally decided to gete at this again.

it's now day 12 of the fast, and i can honestly say that this is incredibly difficult. i'm not going to go all melodramatic and say that this is the hardest thing i've ever had to do, because i don't think it is; this is, however, a trial of my will power and devotion to God, as well as my devotion to my beautiful girlfriend.

i still haven't heard anything as far as my path in life, and that's really frustrating. i feel like i'm doing something wrong or maybe i'm just not listening hard enough. it may sounds strange, but i almost feel like i'm failing at fasting... hahaha. but seriously, i'm going to press on, continue the fast, continue praying and seeking after God, in hopes of an answer. eventually, it'll happen.

on the drum line front - our marching band qualified for SCJA State Championships last saturday (on a technicality, but we're still going!). needless to say, the kids were incredibly excited. we have a lot of work to do over the next week and a half, so wish us luck and i'll let you know what happens.

later.
matt

reading:
Bible.

listening:
Atlantis EP - Jonathan Steingard
New Surrender - Anberlin

2008-11-11T16:08:00.000-08:00

Day 5

2008-11-04T20:52:00.000-08:00

well... nothing much to report here, actually.

America just elected Barack Obama is President. needless to say, i'm a bit more than worried. and before anybody flips out, i couldn't care less about the color of his skin. COULDN'T CARE LESS. what scares me are statements like "we don't know what way he'll take the presidency, because we don't know who he is. we'll find out when he's in the Oval Office." if he were black and actually had solid views and good ideas, i'd vote for him. the fact that we don't actually know this man, but elected him anyway scares the living crap out of me.

really, America? really? I thought we had more brains than that.

on the upside, i haven't had too much time to think about the girlfriend... i've been incredibly busy over the last couple of days. i finally got direction on my teaching for tomorrow night. we're going to be talking about pride. fun, right?

later.
matt

Day 3

2008-11-02T21:36:00.001-08:00

okay... so writing every day obviously didn't work out too tell. life called. things happen. but, thankfully, it's only been a few days, so i thought i'd give a quick update.

today was pretty hard... i don't know that this was really defined earlier, but when i said we were fasting from each other (the girlfriend and i), i meant that in every sense. we have had no contact with each other since last thursday (oct. 30th), and it will continue until the end of the month (you wouldn't eat crackers or "just a little bit" of food if you were fasting that, right?).

anyway, i saw her at church today (which was inevitable...), and that was pretty rough. it's hard to see someone you love so much and have absolutely no contact with her. i just wanted to run up to her, give her a huge hug and let her know that everything is going to be okay... but i couldn't. i literally had to look and walk the other way. and that's a really crappy feeling.

on the upside, i had a great time at my men's Bible study tonight, and i have a couple of friends praying for the both of us, so i know everything is going to be okay.

heard a great message this morning, too. who knew david vs. goliath had so many more personal applications?

and i also have something else to add to the prayer list... writing. not so much randomly, but going to school for it. i actually enjoy writing (i write for a sports website during baseball season) and i think it's something i could get in to. for now, i'll add that to the list and continue to seek God's will for my life (since that's the point of this whole month).

later.
matt

reading:
Bible - God
13 Ways To Ruin Your Life - Jarrod Jones

listening:
New Surrender - Anberlin
The End Is Not The End - House of Heroes

watching:
Sportscenter
Boise State football (number 10 baby!!!!)
Heroes

The Experiment

2008-10-31T13:57:00.001-07:00

okay okay... that's a really bad title for this, but essentially, that's what my next month is going to be.

last night, my girlfriend (of over 3 years) and i decided to take a one month fast from each other, in order to seek God's will for our lives individually as well as a couple. we are not broken up, nor are we planning on breaking up... this is just something we felt we needed to do, so we could properly seek the will of the Lord. neither of us wanted to be a distraction to the other during this important time in our lives, so we came to this agreement.

so here i am... day one. i've only been at this for 5 1/2 hours, and this is already really difficult. i've had to stop myself from calling or texting her at least 15 times. all i want to do right now is reassure her that i do love her and that i'm really excited for what this next month is going to do for us, but i'm sure she is aware of it. so, i trust that God is taking care of her, and i continue on with my day.

on the bright side, it's day one and i already feel like God is speaking to me. this morning, for the first time in entirely too long, i willingly and prayerfully got into my Bible, and i feel like God really placed a calling on me. i read the last chapter of 2 Timothy, where Paul exhorts Timothy to "do the work of an evangalist", "preach the Word" and "fulfill (his) ministry". i really felt like God was speaking directly to me through this. now if i could only peg down what my ministry is....

anyway, i'm going to try to write down my thoughts and what i'm dealing with every day during this next month, sort of as a journal... something i can refer back to and track the progress of my heart and walk with God.

so there you have it.... day one.

later.
matt

reading:
Bible - God
13 Ways to Ruin Your Life - Jarrod Jones

listening:
Mighty To Save - Hillsong (especially "From The Inside Out"... amazing song.)
Cosmos - The Send
Vheissu - Thrice

i can haz direkshunz???

2008-08-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

man, it's been awhile... stuff has been happening, and yet, i find myself back in that same old spot - that same "what am i doing here?!" spot.

i am once again STUCK in my life. i have no stinking idea about what i want to do with my life, and i have no clue as to what direction i need to take. i feel like, once again, i'm stuck at yet another crossroad with no signs pointing me in the right direction.

i see people around me working toward their goals, i see people around me getting married, and i see people around me forming their own lives. and yet, here i stand, in the same spot that i've been in for the last year. as soon as i start to get excited about something and work toward a goal, i get yanked out of it and placed back in this intersection of indecision.

listen, i know God has a plan - i really do. i completely trust it, as well. the point is, i'm incredibly frustated with playing the waiting game. what do i really want? A loud voice from Heaven to say, "hey! this is where you need to go! this is what you need to do! now get on it!!" am i going to hear that? not likely. am i going to wait to hear it? you better believe it.

i guess i'm just letting out some frustrations... venting, if i may. at the moment, i'm helping out with the church and i'm also the drum line instructor for apple valley high school. i'm really happy with the drum line gig, and i really don't have a problem with cleaning up and helping out with the church. but really, how can i expect to ever get on with my own life while working jobs like this? i need something that can not only support myself, but an entire family. that's really what i want in life - a family to call my own. i want to get married, live life, have kids, get a dog... all the cheesy stuff that you hear women whining about. i know it may not be the "guy thing", but that's honestly what i want.

i've done just about everything i can do... i've applied everywhere i could, i've made calls, i've prayed... but nothing is happening. i wish i knew what God's plan was. i wish i knew His plan for my life and what He wants me to do. i know He's got something big in store for me... maybe that's why i'm going through this. i don't know. i'm just hoping i can figure it out soon. i'm sick of getting jerked around with different jobs, and i'm sick of being direction-less. i want my own life. i want a family. i want to hear my calling, answer it, and do my best to glorify God in it.

that's what i want.

later.
matt

Update

2008-05-29T14:46:00.000-07:00

ah, the unemployed life... full of excitement, joy and a certain nervousness that comes along with the everyday unknowns.

yeah right.

life hasn't been too terribly exciting for me over the past month. i've been at home most of the time, sitting and thinking about what to do next. i had a talk with my pastor last night, and he said he wants to bring me on or around july 1st. he said he's going to re-evaluate everything then, and hopefully, Lord willing, if everything keeps heading in the direction that it is, i'll be rought back on, with more duties than before. basically, i'll be taking over some cleaning/opening & closing/random upkeep, along with the radio station gig. so really, i'll be back with the station and be a part-time janitor, which is perfectly cool with me.

this news comes at a great time, as i have had absolutely no progress in the slightest on the job front. i put in applications to a bunch of places and heard nothing in return. i didn't even get a call telling me they weren't interested... it's was like my applications never even existed. weird.

clearly, God has other plans for me. whether those plans are going back to work with the church or not, i'm not sure. i believe that's the way He's guiding me, and i really hope it is. i enjoyed that job... i never really woke up and dreaded going to work, and that was something that always made me smile. it was a pleasure working with and getting to know the other guys, as well. i hope that's where i'm headed.

other than that, nothing has been happening. i've been enjoying the time off... i've been able to go to an Angels game, spend more time with my girlfriend and i got to play with my cousin's band a few times, which was amazing. i'm still trying to convince them to kick out their drummer or move him to keys so i can play... :)

later.
matt

another year has passed...

2008-04-28T21:03:00.001-07:00

so it's officially my birthday today, and i am now 20 years old. i know, it's amazing.

but seriously, what is amazing is how much things have changed in a year. i'm at a fun time in my life right now. at this time last year, i was living on my own up in boise, idaho while going to school at boise state university. i was in a different place mentally and spiritually, and i was at a time where i didn't know what was going to come up next.

i take back what i said... it's amazing how some things can change, yet others don't. i've had a weird feeling the last few weeks that God has something new planned for my life. i don't know yet what that is, or if it's actually going to happen, so i guess you could say that that part of my life is the same. but one thing i do know... i am a different person this year. God has really begun to take hold of my life as i have begun to surrender it more and more. i have gotten to the point where i know in my heart and my head that i don't want control over my life anymore. i was screwing up my life while i was in control, and i know that.

i guess this is just me reflecting on the past year, and standing (well, actually i'm sitting) in awe of the work that God can do in a person's life. He's done great things for me, and i will continue to rely on Him for my guidance and my direction in whatever comes next.

later.
matt

begin - the send

"You called my name
I heard it echo days and days
But still I turned away from you
I've walked a thousand miles

But I want change

I am over feeling like I am all alone
So meet me where I am
Just so I can begin with you again

You called my name
A sound so sweet, I can't erase
But still I hid away from you
Until that sound had drowned

Now I need change

I can't deny that I'm lost alone
And I need to deny who I've been
To begin with you again"

worship

2008-04-16T09:24:00.000-07:00

why is it that worship nights at churchs are ignored? why is that that musical worship is seen as something that's there for personal enjoyment, and it's less important than the teaching that follows it?

in case you didn't know, we have a worship night coming up tonight, so that's where the thought comes from. i don't have too much to say on the subject... it's more of a ponderance (is that even a word?)

it upsets me sometimes that musical worship is seen as something that's there just because it has to be, and it's frustrating to see it treated as such - treated as though it's "unimportant" or even "unnecessary". i don't want to glorify our worship team, and i don't want to be in the limelight, but God calls us to worship Him, together and individually, through songs of praise. it is a big deal, and it's something that should be more valued than it actually is. spending quiet (or loud) time with God praising Him gets ignored - it gets thrown in the backseat. i'm telling you, it's an awesome experiece that we should not go without.

we should be putting more focus on worship than we are.

later.
matt

questioning the old

2008-04-13T20:35:00.000-07:00

"Then these three men ceased answering Job, because he was righteous in his own eyes. But the anger of Elihu the son of Barachel the Buzite, of the family of Ram burned; against Job his anger burned because he justified himself before God. And his anger burned against his three friends because they had found no answer, and yet had condemned Job. Now Elihu had waited to speak to Job because they were years older than he. And when Elihu saw that there was no answer in the mouth of the three men his anger burned.
So Elihu the son of Barachel the Buzite spoke out and said, 'I am young in years and you are old; Therefore I was shy and afraid to tell you what I think. I thought age should speak, And increased years should teach wisdom. But it is a spirit in man, And the breath of the Almighty gives them understanding. The abundant {in years} may not be wise, Nor may elders understand justice.'"
------Job 32:1-9 (NASB)

so my girlfriend brought up an interesting point tonight, and it's something that i've always recognized, but never really considered. age and experience comes in handy in life, and it always is a valuable trait to obtain, but nowhere is it stated that these qualities are a necessity for knowledge. i value the experience and knowledge of people that are in charge (of me as well as in general), but i'm starting to become weary of being ignored because of my youth and "inexperience".
i'm not bitter about this, and i am not in any way pointing fingers at anybody in specific. i am just... suddenly enlightened, for lack of a better term.
i know that God has a plan for my life, and i also know that He has given me certain gifts, two of those, i believe, are understanding and knowledge. i don't say this to brag or boast in any way; it's just what i believe. again, i'm just becoming weary and a bit upset for being looked down upon because i don't have "life experience" or because "i haven't been there yet".
you know, God has given me the gift of understanding, and this comes into play with the subject at hand. i understand why i am overlooked, and i respect the opinions of those doing the overlooking. but at the same time, there's something inside of me that just wants to scream out, "hey! listen to what i have to say!!! just because i'm young doesn't mean i don't have a brain!"
there's been a few things that have been done recently that have been done against my... better judgement (again, for lack of a better term). i was upset at the time, because i know deep down in my heart that those decisions were most likeley the wrong ones made, all because i was ignored because of my youth.
the youth of this nation (high school to college age) have so much to offer the older generation, yet they are constantly ignored for no reason other than the stubborn-ness and narrow minded-ness of that older generation.
people... if you are young, don't give up.

"Let no one look down on your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe."
------1 Timothy 4:12 (NASB)

if you are older, than i encourage you, take in account and consideration the thoughts of the youthful generation. listen to what we have to say... you may actually learn something. God uses people, other than the older crowd, to convey His will and His words.
the sooner this is recognized and embraced by everyone, the better off i think we'll be.

later.
matt

in case you were wondering

2008-04-12T22:32:00.001-07:00

the show went really well. we had a really good time... well, i did anyway. i'll post a link to a video of one of the songs later, because i can't post the actual video.

lots of fun.

early start on the morrow, so i'm out.

later.
matt

as promised

2008-04-12T16:23:00.000-07:00

we're leaving in like 5 minutes to head over to the coffee shop. i'm nervous... i'm not too sure why, but i'm nervous. maybe because it's my first "show". i dunno. should be pretty exciting, so come on out if you can!

i guess that's about it. can't think of much of anything else to say. i'm pulling for the Halos to make a comeback tonight... stupid Mariners.

later.
matt

quick thoughts before bed

2008-04-11T22:31:00.000-07:00

we went and checked out the coffee shop that we'll be playing out tomorrow... it should be pretty sweet. rather intimate, but still awesome.
there were a bunch of high school kids hanging out, which was cool to see; i just hope they'll be back for our little show.
by the way, i'm really starting to get tired of high school kids thinking they're cool because they listen to the beatles. actually, i think i'm getting tired of stupid trends (darn you "across the universe"). the beatles are a trend. we know. get over it.

went to ihop for a late dinner (i barely move, for you gaffigan fans). got an egg and bacon cheeseburger. delicious.

i'm going to bed. i had a long week... late nights and early mornings + work = no fun para me.

i'll give you some thoughts in the morning and/or right before we leave for the show.

later.
matt

can't believe i forgot to mention this

2008-04-11T12:53:00.000-07:00

if anybody is in the high desert area, we are going to be playing at Blast Off Coffee Shop in Hesperia tomorrow night (saturday, 4/12).
my friend joel (who also happens to be my worship pastor/leader and the former lead singer of Noise Ratchet) has been wanting to play out again, and i had just heard about this new coffee shop. so i told him about the shop, he emailed them, they contacted him and now we're playing.
it's a free show, and i think there's some kind of magician or something coming on before us, so that should be fun. we'll be going on about 7 pm.
if you want an idea of the tunes you'll be hearing, check out http://www.myspace.com/joelhosler

it should be a pretty awesome time, so please try to make it out!!

17051 Main Street
Hesperia, CA 92345

matt

first thoughts

2008-04-11T12:21:00.000-07:00

everybody else in the world was blogging, so i figured... what they hey? i might as well put down my thoughts on the internet so everybody in the technological world can see them.

hmm... not too much going on right now. i'm currently at work (a radio station in Adelanto, CA), and i can hear the song "Rebirthing" by Skillet in the background. that's about the extent of my lunch time. i know, you're impressed.

at the moment, i'm not too terribly upset at anything in general... i've got the normal irritants in my life - bills, stupid people, liberals, gas prices, etc.

so i guess that's that. here's it goes - my first post it what should be a terribly excited something for you to read.

later.