sooo... a week later, i finally decided to gete at this again.
it's now day 12 of the fast, and i can honestly say that this is incredibly difficult. i'm not going to go all melodramatic and say that this is the hardest thing i've ever had to do, because i don't think it is; this is, however, a trial of my will power and devotion to God, as well as my devotion to my beautiful girlfriend.
i still haven't heard anything as far as my path in life, and that's really frustrating. i feel like i'm doing something wrong or maybe i'm just not listening hard enough. it may sounds strange, but i almost feel like i'm failing at fasting... hahaha. but seriously, i'm going to press on, continue the fast, continue praying and seeking after God, in hopes of an answer. eventually, it'll happen.
on the drum line front - our marching band qualified for SCJA State Championships last saturday (on a technicality, but we're still going!). needless to say, the kids were incredibly excited. we have a lot of work to do over the next week and a half, so wish us luck and i'll let you know what happens.
later.
matt
reading:
Bible.
listening:
Atlantis EP - Jonathan Steingard
New Surrender - Anberlin
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Day 5
well... nothing much to report here, actually.
America just elected Barack Obama is President. needless to say, i'm a bit more than worried. and before anybody flips out, i couldn't care less about the color of his skin. COULDN'T CARE LESS. what scares me are statements like "we don't know what way he'll take the presidency, because we don't know who he is. we'll find out when he's in the Oval Office." if he were black and actually had solid views and good ideas, i'd vote for him. the fact that we don't actually know this man, but elected him anyway scares the living crap out of me.
really, America? really? I thought we had more brains than that.
on the upside, i haven't had too much time to think about the girlfriend... i've been incredibly busy over the last couple of days. i finally got direction on my teaching for tomorrow night. we're going to be talking about pride. fun, right?
later.
matt
America just elected Barack Obama is President. needless to say, i'm a bit more than worried. and before anybody flips out, i couldn't care less about the color of his skin. COULDN'T CARE LESS. what scares me are statements like "we don't know what way he'll take the presidency, because we don't know who he is. we'll find out when he's in the Oval Office." if he were black and actually had solid views and good ideas, i'd vote for him. the fact that we don't actually know this man, but elected him anyway scares the living crap out of me.
really, America? really? I thought we had more brains than that.
on the upside, i haven't had too much time to think about the girlfriend... i've been incredibly busy over the last couple of days. i finally got direction on my teaching for tomorrow night. we're going to be talking about pride. fun, right?
later.
matt
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Day 3
okay... so writing every day obviously didn't work out too tell. life called. things happen. but, thankfully, it's only been a few days, so i thought i'd give a quick update.
today was pretty hard... i don't know that this was really defined earlier, but when i said we were fasting from each other (the girlfriend and i), i meant that in every sense. we have had no contact with each other since last thursday (oct. 30th), and it will continue until the end of the month (you wouldn't eat crackers or "just a little bit" of food if you were fasting that, right?).
anyway, i saw her at church today (which was inevitable...), and that was pretty rough. it's hard to see someone you love so much and have absolutely no contact with her. i just wanted to run up to her, give her a huge hug and let her know that everything is going to be okay... but i couldn't. i literally had to look and walk the other way. and that's a really crappy feeling.
on the upside, i had a great time at my men's Bible study tonight, and i have a couple of friends praying for the both of us, so i know everything is going to be okay.
heard a great message this morning, too. who knew david vs. goliath had so many more personal applications?
and i also have something else to add to the prayer list... writing. not so much randomly, but going to school for it. i actually enjoy writing (i write for a sports website during baseball season) and i think it's something i could get in to. for now, i'll add that to the list and continue to seek God's will for my life (since that's the point of this whole month).
later.
matt
reading:
Bible - God
13 Ways To Ruin Your Life - Jarrod Jones
listening:
New Surrender - Anberlin
The End Is Not The End - House of Heroes
watching:
Sportscenter
Boise State football (number 10 baby!!!!)
Heroes
today was pretty hard... i don't know that this was really defined earlier, but when i said we were fasting from each other (the girlfriend and i), i meant that in every sense. we have had no contact with each other since last thursday (oct. 30th), and it will continue until the end of the month (you wouldn't eat crackers or "just a little bit" of food if you were fasting that, right?).
anyway, i saw her at church today (which was inevitable...), and that was pretty rough. it's hard to see someone you love so much and have absolutely no contact with her. i just wanted to run up to her, give her a huge hug and let her know that everything is going to be okay... but i couldn't. i literally had to look and walk the other way. and that's a really crappy feeling.
on the upside, i had a great time at my men's Bible study tonight, and i have a couple of friends praying for the both of us, so i know everything is going to be okay.
heard a great message this morning, too. who knew david vs. goliath had so many more personal applications?
and i also have something else to add to the prayer list... writing. not so much randomly, but going to school for it. i actually enjoy writing (i write for a sports website during baseball season) and i think it's something i could get in to. for now, i'll add that to the list and continue to seek God's will for my life (since that's the point of this whole month).
later.
matt
reading:
Bible - God
13 Ways To Ruin Your Life - Jarrod Jones
listening:
New Surrender - Anberlin
The End Is Not The End - House of Heroes
watching:
Sportscenter
Boise State football (number 10 baby!!!!)
Heroes
Friday, October 31, 2008
The Experiment
okay okay... that's a really bad title for this, but essentially, that's what my next month is going to be.
last night, my girlfriend (of over 3 years) and i decided to take a one month fast from each other, in order to seek God's will for our lives individually as well as a couple. we are not broken up, nor are we planning on breaking up... this is just something we felt we needed to do, so we could properly seek the will of the Lord. neither of us wanted to be a distraction to the other during this important time in our lives, so we came to this agreement.
so here i am... day one. i've only been at this for 5 1/2 hours, and this is already really difficult. i've had to stop myself from calling or texting her at least 15 times. all i want to do right now is reassure her that i do love her and that i'm really excited for what this next month is going to do for us, but i'm sure she is aware of it. so, i trust that God is taking care of her, and i continue on with my day.
on the bright side, it's day one and i already feel like God is speaking to me. this morning, for the first time in entirely too long, i willingly and prayerfully got into my Bible, and i feel like God really placed a calling on me. i read the last chapter of 2 Timothy, where Paul exhorts Timothy to "do the work of an evangalist", "preach the Word" and "fulfill (his) ministry". i really felt like God was speaking directly to me through this. now if i could only peg down what my ministry is....
anyway, i'm going to try to write down my thoughts and what i'm dealing with every day during this next month, sort of as a journal... something i can refer back to and track the progress of my heart and walk with God.
so there you have it.... day one.
later.
matt
reading:
Bible - God
13 Ways to Ruin Your Life - Jarrod Jones
listening:
Mighty To Save - Hillsong (especially "From The Inside Out"... amazing song.)
Cosmos - The Send
Vheissu - Thrice
last night, my girlfriend (of over 3 years) and i decided to take a one month fast from each other, in order to seek God's will for our lives individually as well as a couple. we are not broken up, nor are we planning on breaking up... this is just something we felt we needed to do, so we could properly seek the will of the Lord. neither of us wanted to be a distraction to the other during this important time in our lives, so we came to this agreement.
so here i am... day one. i've only been at this for 5 1/2 hours, and this is already really difficult. i've had to stop myself from calling or texting her at least 15 times. all i want to do right now is reassure her that i do love her and that i'm really excited for what this next month is going to do for us, but i'm sure she is aware of it. so, i trust that God is taking care of her, and i continue on with my day.
on the bright side, it's day one and i already feel like God is speaking to me. this morning, for the first time in entirely too long, i willingly and prayerfully got into my Bible, and i feel like God really placed a calling on me. i read the last chapter of 2 Timothy, where Paul exhorts Timothy to "do the work of an evangalist", "preach the Word" and "fulfill (his) ministry". i really felt like God was speaking directly to me through this. now if i could only peg down what my ministry is....
anyway, i'm going to try to write down my thoughts and what i'm dealing with every day during this next month, sort of as a journal... something i can refer back to and track the progress of my heart and walk with God.
so there you have it.... day one.
later.
matt
reading:
Bible - God
13 Ways to Ruin Your Life - Jarrod Jones
listening:
Mighty To Save - Hillsong (especially "From The Inside Out"... amazing song.)
Cosmos - The Send
Vheissu - Thrice
Monday, August 18, 2008
i can haz direkshunz???
man, it's been awhile... stuff has been happening, and yet, i find myself back in that same old spot - that same "what am i doing here?!" spot.
i am once again STUCK in my life. i have no stinking idea about what i want to do with my life, and i have no clue as to what direction i need to take. i feel like, once again, i'm stuck at yet another crossroad with no signs pointing me in the right direction.
i see people around me working toward their goals, i see people around me getting married, and i see people around me forming their own lives. and yet, here i stand, in the same spot that i've been in for the last year. as soon as i start to get excited about something and work toward a goal, i get yanked out of it and placed back in this intersection of indecision.
listen, i know God has a plan - i really do. i completely trust it, as well. the point is, i'm incredibly frustated with playing the waiting game. what do i really want? A loud voice from Heaven to say, "hey! this is where you need to go! this is what you need to do! now get on it!!" am i going to hear that? not likely. am i going to wait to hear it? you better believe it.
i guess i'm just letting out some frustrations... venting, if i may. at the moment, i'm helping out with the church and i'm also the drum line instructor for apple valley high school. i'm really happy with the drum line gig, and i really don't have a problem with cleaning up and helping out with the church. but really, how can i expect to ever get on with my own life while working jobs like this? i need something that can not only support myself, but an entire family. that's really what i want in life - a family to call my own. i want to get married, live life, have kids, get a dog... all the cheesy stuff that you hear women whining about. i know it may not be the "guy thing", but that's honestly what i want.
i've done just about everything i can do... i've applied everywhere i could, i've made calls, i've prayed... but nothing is happening. i wish i knew what God's plan was. i wish i knew His plan for my life and what He wants me to do. i know He's got something big in store for me... maybe that's why i'm going through this. i don't know. i'm just hoping i can figure it out soon. i'm sick of getting jerked around with different jobs, and i'm sick of being direction-less. i want my own life. i want a family. i want to hear my calling, answer it, and do my best to glorify God in it.
that's what i want.
later.
matt
i am once again STUCK in my life. i have no stinking idea about what i want to do with my life, and i have no clue as to what direction i need to take. i feel like, once again, i'm stuck at yet another crossroad with no signs pointing me in the right direction.
i see people around me working toward their goals, i see people around me getting married, and i see people around me forming their own lives. and yet, here i stand, in the same spot that i've been in for the last year. as soon as i start to get excited about something and work toward a goal, i get yanked out of it and placed back in this intersection of indecision.
listen, i know God has a plan - i really do. i completely trust it, as well. the point is, i'm incredibly frustated with playing the waiting game. what do i really want? A loud voice from Heaven to say, "hey! this is where you need to go! this is what you need to do! now get on it!!" am i going to hear that? not likely. am i going to wait to hear it? you better believe it.
i guess i'm just letting out some frustrations... venting, if i may. at the moment, i'm helping out with the church and i'm also the drum line instructor for apple valley high school. i'm really happy with the drum line gig, and i really don't have a problem with cleaning up and helping out with the church. but really, how can i expect to ever get on with my own life while working jobs like this? i need something that can not only support myself, but an entire family. that's really what i want in life - a family to call my own. i want to get married, live life, have kids, get a dog... all the cheesy stuff that you hear women whining about. i know it may not be the "guy thing", but that's honestly what i want.
i've done just about everything i can do... i've applied everywhere i could, i've made calls, i've prayed... but nothing is happening. i wish i knew what God's plan was. i wish i knew His plan for my life and what He wants me to do. i know He's got something big in store for me... maybe that's why i'm going through this. i don't know. i'm just hoping i can figure it out soon. i'm sick of getting jerked around with different jobs, and i'm sick of being direction-less. i want my own life. i want a family. i want to hear my calling, answer it, and do my best to glorify God in it.
that's what i want.
later.
matt
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Update
ah, the unemployed life... full of excitement, joy and a certain nervousness that comes along with the everyday unknowns.
yeah right.
life hasn't been too terribly exciting for me over the past month. i've been at home most of the time, sitting and thinking about what to do next. i had a talk with my pastor last night, and he said he wants to bring me on or around july 1st. he said he's going to re-evaluate everything then, and hopefully, Lord willing, if everything keeps heading in the direction that it is, i'll be rought back on, with more duties than before. basically, i'll be taking over some cleaning/opening & closing/random upkeep, along with the radio station gig. so really, i'll be back with the station and be a part-time janitor, which is perfectly cool with me.
this news comes at a great time, as i have had absolutely no progress in the slightest on the job front. i put in applications to a bunch of places and heard nothing in return. i didn't even get a call telling me they weren't interested... it's was like my applications never even existed. weird.
clearly, God has other plans for me. whether those plans are going back to work with the church or not, i'm not sure. i believe that's the way He's guiding me, and i really hope it is. i enjoyed that job... i never really woke up and dreaded going to work, and that was something that always made me smile. it was a pleasure working with and getting to know the other guys, as well. i hope that's where i'm headed.
other than that, nothing has been happening. i've been enjoying the time off... i've been able to go to an Angels game, spend more time with my girlfriend and i got to play with my cousin's band a few times, which was amazing. i'm still trying to convince them to kick out their drummer or move him to keys so i can play... :)
later.
matt
yeah right.
life hasn't been too terribly exciting for me over the past month. i've been at home most of the time, sitting and thinking about what to do next. i had a talk with my pastor last night, and he said he wants to bring me on or around july 1st. he said he's going to re-evaluate everything then, and hopefully, Lord willing, if everything keeps heading in the direction that it is, i'll be rought back on, with more duties than before. basically, i'll be taking over some cleaning/opening & closing/random upkeep, along with the radio station gig. so really, i'll be back with the station and be a part-time janitor, which is perfectly cool with me.
this news comes at a great time, as i have had absolutely no progress in the slightest on the job front. i put in applications to a bunch of places and heard nothing in return. i didn't even get a call telling me they weren't interested... it's was like my applications never even existed. weird.
clearly, God has other plans for me. whether those plans are going back to work with the church or not, i'm not sure. i believe that's the way He's guiding me, and i really hope it is. i enjoyed that job... i never really woke up and dreaded going to work, and that was something that always made me smile. it was a pleasure working with and getting to know the other guys, as well. i hope that's where i'm headed.
other than that, nothing has been happening. i've been enjoying the time off... i've been able to go to an Angels game, spend more time with my girlfriend and i got to play with my cousin's band a few times, which was amazing. i'm still trying to convince them to kick out their drummer or move him to keys so i can play... :)
later.
matt
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